My lovelies, here's the second page of Schatten - how do you like it? Please, let me know!
So this is it, the project has officially started and I'm so thrilled to finally show you guys our work! I'm not going to give away anything of the story yet though, you'll just have to carry on reading. Please, stay tuned! I would love to hear your opinion on the whole project and hope you're gonna like it. Page 03 is coming soon, I'm working on it!
Die Art, wie du die Szene inszenierst hast, hat was. Besonders die Augen sind sehr gut gelungen. Der Blick im vorletzten Pannel verrät einiges über seine Persönlichkeit. Auch dein Zeichenstil ist sehr gut. Im dritten Pannel wirkt der Hals, als wäre er aus Gummi. Du musst die Linie nicht in einem durchziehen. Setze sie mal ab und mach die Konturen etwas kantig. Dass lässt den Hals natürlicher wirken.
Das freut mich sehr zu hören, dankeschön! Das macht mich natürlich ungemein glücklich, wow. Und das mit dem Hals glaub ich dir, da bin ich manchmal ein bisschen zu schnell unterwegs. Vielen Dank auch für die Kritik, ich werde versuchen, es in Zukunft besser zu machen!
So, I'll write in English again, if that's alright with you And I'm incredibly sorry this took so long
First of all, I have to say that I adore your style! It has something very unique and special; it's almost tradtional-looking. I love the way you build up shadows through so many lines; I think that might be where the traditional feel of the pages comes from, together with the textured background and jagged borders.
The overall darkness of the panels makes me wonder where this story is going to go. It makes everything more mysterious, maybe even sad. And the title kind of plays into that theme, too. As I already said I really like your shading technique and style, but I'd advise you to maybe have some clear lightsources and highlights. For example, I'm wondering why there's a rather strong reflection on the car in the first panel, since I don't see other highlights in that panel besides the small light in that one window. Nothing else in that panel has highlights, and it's the same with the, er, don't know the right word, things over the shops in the second (?) panel. They have highlights, but nothing else has. Have you also thought about putting streetlamps into the streets? Because most streets have lamps nowadays Staying with lights, Andrea's face in the third (or fourth? Is the top picture supposed to be one or two panels?) panel looks like it's illuminated by a nearby candle. Since your panels are generally on the dark side you have to be careful with the lights.
Then there's the thing with the perspective. Have you tried working with perspective lines yet? Here's what I mean: [link] (A collection of perspective tutorials (self-promotion lol): [link] ). That could help you with drawing perspective.
And I noticed you now seem to draw eyes a bit smaller compared to the last picture I commented on! I think they're looking much better now The right eye in the guy's face of the next to last panel is a little to high, but not that much. A great way to spot such things and other anatomy mistakes is to simply mirror the canvas vertically (you can do that with e.g. Photoshop pretty easily). You'll be surprised at what you see!
Finally I have to say I'm pretty interested to see where all of this is going, and how the story and your style will develop. I've made the experience that doing such a project (i.e. illustrating a story) will really help you grow as an artist, so keep up the great work! I'll be following
I like the sketchbook quality of the page; the use of non-geometrical perspective and the fifth panel which acts as a symbolic representation give the page a very intimate quality, like you're peering onto someone's unfinished work.
I wish the jagged borders were pushed a bit to be MORE jagged an unruly, or have more of the grayscale effects come out of the panels - visually I think it's pretty interesting as it is with the slight messiness of the panel borders, and I want more of it!
Thanks very much for your lovely comment, dear, I'm delighted to hear that you like the style of the pages! I'm generally trying to go for a bit of a "messy" style, that's true. I just have a little question concerning the "jagged borders": Do you want me to increase the amount of free-formed, non-traditional panels or are you refering to the straight lines only? Just making sure, I'm no native speaker, you see, so I don't always get all the various meanings of a sentence.
Anyways, I'm so glad you like it, if you're interested you could have a look at the following pages too. "Schatten" is an ongoing Webcomic including weekly updates! I'd love to hear your opinion on the other pages too and appreciate it beyond believe.
I loved how you make the hair over the piece, trough at first you should probably make it a bit wavier, because no hair is a straight line, also, you should work better with a perspective grid, there are some obvious mistakes on it.